Birth Stories

I have, recently, been required to look at the birth of my eldest daughter in a different way. It was, in some ways, easier than I anticipated, but in others, much harder than I could have imagined.

In one way, it was easier. Looking back at it, 28 years after it happened, I find that it was really, less traumatic than I thought. On the other hand, I was forced to face the fact that I made very few actual choices, and was not at all proactive in something that was so important. I'm not being hard on myself when I say that, the fact is that, at that point in time, there were fewer choices and the choices that I had were much harder to locate. 

Still, I didn't look for the ones I had, and I just  blindly followed the doctors suggestions. I allowed him to make my choices for me. Needless to say, this didn't provide the warm and fuzzy birth that women are told that we should look forward to.

This has made me think of birth stories that I have recently heard. Women are so very hard on themselves. We have very strong perfectionist streaks, and blame ourselves for things that we have no control over. We want perfect birth experiences, and if we don't get them, we beat ourselves up over what we seem to consider our failures. Are they really our failures?

Let's look at this another way, okay?? First of all, despite what we think, our body's functions are not entirely within our control. We cannot decide when, or how fast, our cervices dilate. We cannot choose how our bodies, or the baby's body will respond to the stress of labor and delivery. We can't choose how others will react, nor can we choose what options they will offer during labor and delivery. We can make wise choices in regard to who we have attending us.

It is YOUR choice. You have the right to ask questions and to have those questions answered. If you don't want an episiotomy, then ask the episiotomy rate. If you don't want pain killers or other medications, ask for those rates as well. You are the consumer, it's your birth and your day. You are giving birth to a new family, and you have the right to what you want.

Also, remember, If things don't go the way you want, be kind to yourself. Births come in all forms, shapes and sizes. A Caesarian Birth is still a birth, as are births with episiotomies, epidurals, and other interventions. If you don't give birth in a perfect way, you  still used your body to grow and nurture new life. That is something to be proud of.